∞Life Liberty Happiness∞

Perfectly Imperfect

2011-12-25T23:49:00.000-08:00

They tell me that “practice makes perfect,” but to me that implies that perfection is an end result. I personally beg to differ. When discussing items that are deemed “perfect” an image typically comes to mind of one set ideal state. Therefore, if there is one set ideal for each item, be it the perfect chair, perfect bed or even as specific as the perfect red, bowler hat, perfect must truly be unattainable. And, even if perfection could be reached, imperfection is one scuff or accident away. How then is something so exhaustive, volatile and increasingly fickle so desirable?

I would venture to assert that perfection is not an end result and is not seen in the flawless, for the biggest, most unavoidable flaw of the flawless is their risk for flaw. For me, perfection is found in the imperfect, and not for their potential to be improved, but for the fact that they are and have been. Each person that actually lives is perfectly imperfect and is attaining a new end result each day. The great dynamic of being human is that every human is a finished product and tomorrow each human will be a new finished product, and that is perfect.

Traditionally for something to be perfect it must be without flaw. I contest that any human that lives his life and allows the same privilege to others is truly without flaw. Flaws, I believe, belong to the beholder, for I believe that rather than flaws, people possess differences and though I may not enjoy your differences, they make you no less perfect than mine make me. In the end, those that truly love and care about us will not see flaws but differences; whether of opinion, love or life it doesn’t matter.

An acquaintance once asked me what I considered my flaws. I replied, “I have none.” And when he laughed, I responded, “What you consider flaws, I consider a test of friendship and you just failed.”

In a world where perfect is highly sought after, stop searching and begin to live, and in living you will find that you are already perfectly imperfect.

Love is God

2011-11-28T22:26:00.001-08:00

I have been asked many times what I believe in, and if that belief includes an all-powerful being: a god. Gradually my belief progressed over time until I became more or less agnostic. For me, claiming the existence of a god was as foolish as denying one since neither can truly be proven. I realized that throughout history, individuals have looked to the supernatural to provide answers to the questions they were unable to answer on their own. It seems strange to me that today, us monotheistic folk tend to turn up our noses at the ancient polytheists who worshipped those things around them that provided life. I wonder though, what is so strange about worshipping water, fire, the sun and Earth when they bring and maintain life and are actually tangible.

Then, per my usual routine, music sparked the further progression of my intellectual delve into spirituality and religiosity. It was a song about love, and it reminded me of a central tenet of my religion and my family. I can remember from a very young age being taught that God is love. Throughout my youth, that meant that God was the source of love and that He loved all things without condition. As I listened to that song I remembered also that whenever A equals B, B must always equal A, and therefore if God is love, then love is God.

I have always maintained that regardless of the existence of a god, there must be some universal force that brings people together and creates society and humanity. I believe that force is love. I believe love creates us, love guides us, love connects us and love gives us meaning. Love is all-powerful, all knowing and it is warm. And, just as the Bible explains that God begat Jesus Christ, who I believe is merely a symbol for forgiveness, so too, does love beget forgiveness. With that being said, I am certain that the Bible is no more than the greatest allegory and literary genius that this world has ever seen and may ever see.

If you view humanity as a beehive you can see that alone, we are nothing, but together we are everything. Just as the bees work by some force of nature, some drive for survival, we too, live our lives by a beautiful and unforeseen force. We live because we love. The Bible explains that God provides agency, or our ability to choose, and with love we have the same privilege of choice which is ultimately based on what or who we love, whether it is another or ourselves or some object of our desire.

We must therefore live and love, for heaven is simply a life full of love and hell is the opposite, devoid of it. It is our choice to make those decisions that would land us in a state of joy and peace or one of loneliness and complete misery. I think that rather than treat others based upon our belief in where they will be after they die, we should love them for who they are, and in so doing form a paradise here and now. As I trusted in God, I spent my time concerned about what I should do in order to live in heaven once dead, meanwhile I created and lived in hell. Now it seems, life has more meaning and as I trust in love, I spend my time living life in happiness and know it can only progress. After all, life is for living.

Blah Blah Love and Stuff

2011-09-02T19:06:00.000-07:00

I’ve tried really hard to not blatantly write about my break up with Kent while at the same time, writing a lot about it and not so subtly leaving out identifiers. Oh boy, I have certainly been petty and it saddens me, but if I have learned anything it is to never regret, yet feel sorrow, learn and look forward with a passion to never do the same thing again. It’s amazing what I have realized about myself and what I have learned. I have a propensity to be extremely vindictive and that frightens me. I guess you know what they say, “A woman scorned…”

Some of you may sit there and think, “What?! No! Petty? Never! Vindictive? No way, José!” However, I’m not that dense. Those that know me, or at least have known me in the aftermath of our break up would surely think I’m understating. And no one would know better than Kent, bless his heart.

We all know there are two sides to every story and we all know I certainly made my side known. There are many things I respect Kent for, but one of the qualities I respect most about him is that he is not a talker. While I was out detailing my reality to anyone who would listen, he shut up and kept his to himself. Now, if I had reacted that way I may not be where I am now and so I will not regret it, but I could do without the hurt I caused him in the end.

Please don’t think I’m sitting here harping on myself and feeling sorry or being a hater, because I’m not. In fact, I am quite composed. I am surprisingly more composed than I have been in quite some time and it’s about damn time.

I look back and I see my insecurities. I have (had?) this intense fear of rejection and when things with Kent and I went south, that fear came out to rear it’s ugly head. And so because misery loves company and because I determined that since I felt rejected I needed to ensure that everyone rejected Kent, I became quite the sordid mess. There were moments of clarity and composure but I was torn up inside.

And finally school ended just the way it had begun: me wearing a man costume while curled up in a ball inside. I still wasn’t ready to deal with it all and I placed blame elsewhere and projected better than Judy Garland at Carnegie. Remember, I am not beating myself up and in fact like myself more now than ever because I’m not stagnant or festering (ew).

So then, like my subconscious likes to do when I’m being a royal pain, it taught me a lesson. I went to sleep one night toward the end of June full of anger, sadness and loneliness and woke up inside of a room with several friends. Kent was there, and I was pregnant. My baby was his baby. Though all the poop was still there marring my view of the past, none of it mattered. I wrapped my arms around him and immediately everything felt right and I knew that the past was not important but the present and future is. The ice of my fury melted and I felt this intense love as I knew that what mattered was our family. When I awoke from the dream, I awoke with the feelings I had in the dream and not those from the night before. I was in love with him all over again, I know, (sigh).

I wanted him back. Hard. Needless to say (or I think needless), he wouldn’t respond to me, hahaha, no but really if there ever were a reason to L the eff OL it would be now. I was distraught at the time and again feeling rejected. That didn’t go well. And that is the comedy of it all: timing. Multiple times I wanted him back and multiple times he wanted me. They didn’t overlap, and that’s a good thing. Not any dis- on him or on myself because I acknowledge that we are both great guys but great guy + great guy does not always = great couple. But boy were we beautiful on paper, or what?

So, with Kent’s resolve to not speak so he could recover from the battle (another great thing about the kid: when he gets his mind set on something, get out the way), I finally had the initiative to better myself. My intentions were not where they should have been though because I wanted to get better with the thought that we could be together again in the future. Cue fast. In the face of adversity, I did what a good Mormon boy would and I fasted for thirty days and nights. I fasted from boys, sweets and alcohol. Hardest part =ed no chocolate. I am my mamma’s boy.

In that time, my good friend Jason helped me see things a little more clearly as we held hands, walking the streets of San Diego at 3AM (well, he more stumbled and doesn’t really remember what he said. But I assure you it was insightful). He pointed out that though I was nine months post break up, I still planned my life and future with Kent in it and it was high time I stopped. I refused. And then I stopped refusing. And I started planning for me.

I realized that since I began really dating, I was non-stop on the move from one date to the next or one relationship to the next. I kept men in my life and cycled through them because I needed a companion. I needed to be completed. And the irony in it all was that although I was often with someone or surrounded by someones, I always felt tragically alone (tragic hero? Or not). During my fast, I spent a lot of time alone. My days more or less consisted of work, exercise and movie night with the two constants of my life, my childrens. In time, I found myself and I really liked what I found. I no longer needed anyone. I didn’t need a companion to complete me because I was already complete. And I realized that though I will someday enjoy a beautiful supplement to my life, I would never again need someone to complete me. Before I could be surrounded and feel alone but now, I am often alone and have all the company I need, and it’s always a good time. I realized that I’m actually quite funny once you to get to know me, and witty, too. Oh, and I think I’m insightful.

Now, it’s live for the present since it may be all I have. My plan for the future: have a good one ;) (winking face). Life is a beautiful thing and though it has its rough spots, I would never know what a good time was if I didn’t have a bad time to compare it to. So who am I? My name is Matt Salmon, and I am a Mormon…ha, kidding. I’m a guy that will never settle again because I prefer my own company enough that I would rather be without companionship than to settle for one that I am unhappy with. I am also a guy that will not compromise my values for someone I think I love because I know I love me and I know I love my values.

What does that look like now? It looks like a happy guy who is pleased to be single and isn’t looking. If something beautiful comes my way, I will gladly accept it. And it looks like a guy who is finally not lying when I say I am happy for Kent and that he is finding himself and moving on so effectively. It looks like a guy who could honestly build a friendship with him after unintentionally yet so impressively sinking the weak friendship that was there before.

I was once told that by talking about Kent, I give him power over me, and with that I disagree. I think if I speak poorly of anyone, it certainly gives that individual power because it shows my weakness, but as I speak highly of the man, I think it gives us both the power we deserve and a chance to be equals.

Anyway, don’t think I’m pining for a friendship, because I honestly am not. Nor am I blowing off any future suitors or chances at love. But I finally send out positive energy into the universe (SECRET!) and await the great boomerang that will bring it all back to me. I feel so campy.

Better to have loved and felt rejection and anger and to have done snarky things and loved again and felt rejection again and grown and learned and to have gotten to the best place you have ever been in your life than never to have loved at all.

Inspired by a boy at the coffee shop that kind of looked like Kent from the back. Mostly because he has the same, adorable, giant ears.

My addition to a beautiful movement...It Gets Better.

2011-05-15T09:45:00.000-07:00

Dad Is Running Again

2011-05-04T18:17:00.000-07:00

What do you do if you are gay your father decides to run for U.S. Congress on a platform that opposes you having equal rights?

You support him, of course!

If I have learned anything over the last year, it is that everyone sees the world through different eyes. I know many men and women who won't agree with the support I give to my father, but that doesn't matter to me. In my struggle to accept myself and those around me, I have been selfish, judgmental, critical and unforgiving. I have required the support and acceptance of my family while not giving it in return. It took me twenty years to accept and love myself (and from what I hear, even that is relatively quick), yet I expected my family to do it in days. We all like to say that when we publicly accept that we are gay nothing changes, but in reality it does. Of course, I am the same person, but my future plans changed and my thoughts about myself changed, my demeanor changed and so did my perceptions. My family's perceptions changed too, the future they had in mind for me changed, and fear and uncertainty crept into their minds. Sadly, instead of being a support to them and being their son/brother, I set standards for them that they weren't able to meet and wrote them off when they didn't.

My family and I are now on very good terms, and that has only really happened in the last six months, which was when I realized my error.

So tell me, how can I expect the support and acceptance of my family without giving it fully to them? I can't, which is why even though I disagree with my family's religion, I support their practice of it and talk to them with excitement about it. It is the reason I fully support my sister serving a mission to preach the gospel she loves so much even though I don't. It is also why I will go to baby blessings and baptisms of nieces and nephews, and why I will attend and support with complete happiness the weddings of family and friends even though they don't believe I should be allowed the same privilege. And in the end, it's why I fully support my father and truly think he is the best man for the job even though he may try to limit my rights through his legislation. I don't have to agree with someone I love in order to accept them for who they are, love them and give them my support, nor do I require that they agree with me in order to show that they support me.

-Matt R. Salmon

The Boy With the Shield Tattoo

2011-01-18T23:51:00.000-08:00

“I can’t keep seeing you,” I explained somewhat ironically in my church parking lot. “I need to follow The Church’s teachings, and I have to stop. I hope you understand.”

“You won’t be happy. That life won’t make you happy,” was the reply. I could tell that it was painful, but I knew that I was hurting Jesus Christ, I was the cause of many drops of His blood.

“I will be happy doing what God would have me do.”

I then found myself in the first real depression of my life as I turned my back on something that felt so good and so right. I turned my back on the first person I had ever had romantic and intimate feelings for, a man.

The following few weeks found me often in my bishop’s car or office; I was a robot, completely void of emotion regarding it all. It was programmed inside me; anything contrary to the will of The Church must be ceased and must be wiped clean: a blank slate, white snow, without blemish.

As I worked with my bishop to recover my worth within The Church, I informed him that I would be celibate for the rest of my life. I would never have love. I was seventeen. I was immediately removed from my calling, placed on probation and warned I might not be worth sending on a mission to preach the good Word.

I had just over a year before I was to go on my mission and from everything I had heard, a year is the typical amount of time allotted for repenting of sexual sin in order to serve. I would be able to go on time after all! I then informed my bishop that I thought it best if I went and talked to my stake president as soon as possible so that there would be no hold up as time went on. He thought that it might not be necessary but I was insistent and so he helped me set an appointment.

The first time I met with the stake president I felt absolutely nothing. I felt no hand of God. I felt no spirit. I felt no warmth or goodness. I saw a shell of a man. I saw an actor. I saw a man feigning power. I made certain to not let anything go unconfessed. I started back from the moment I was baptized and reconfessed my sins to him, because he saw it was necessary. The words, “and I shall remember them, no more” meant nothing at this time.

After I had finished, he looked at me and explained that he would do what he could to see that I got on a mission, but that I should consider a shorter, less than honorable service mission. I left his office, with little hope, but a resolve that I would do everything I could to change that and make it possible.

Not long after, I received this phone call: “Matthew, come home as soon as you can. Your father received a phone call from the stake president. We need to discuss this.”

My stake president, a “man of God” and supposedly an ethical, honest man destroyed my trust, broke confidentiality and betrayed my faith. By this time, I was legally an adult, but I couldn’t even repent on my own, confess on my own, or follow God on my own.

Needless to say, the conversation did not go well. It was no secret to my parents that I had feelings for men, but they weren’t prepared for me to do something about them. I straightaway began straight-therapy and was taught how to be attracted to women. It was a talent that I needed to cultivate for that recital called “Married for Sex: because the parts were made to fit this way” at which premiere I could “let my light so shine.”

I continued with therapy as well as meeting with my bishop and stake president, despite his total disregard for integrity. I was even made to feel bad for being upset with my stake president and found myself repenting of my anger, because I was to follow my leaders. I was to be a sheep. I was to follow the flock.

People think that I didn’t go on a mission because I just didn’t want to, but I did. I tried so hard. I cried and repented. I relived my shame over and over hoping that The Church would forgive me. I realized after about a year that it wouldn’t. I had been working on my mission papers and went to see my stake president one final time before I was to submit them. He told me that I could go ahead and submit them, and he would sign them, but according to the brethren, my request to serve my Lord would most likely be rejected. At that moment, what little hope I had left, left.

No matter how hard I tried, no matter how hard I wanted it, I wasn’t worth sending out to serve God. On the other hand, my straight counterparts, even the ones fornicating weeks before leaving, were. My nineteenth birthday came and went and I continued on faithfully in The Church and disregarded the talk and the questions regarding the nineteen year old male not on a mission.

I may not have been called to serve like my parents, siblings, relatives and friends had wanted, but I look back and I have to count my blessings because I know that I have been called to serve in a much more meaningful way. Since leaving The Church, I have found peace in a life that it condemns, hope for a future with true liberty that it would tear apart, and happiness that it tries to belittle. My mission is to share with others that promise of life, liberty and happiness so that they can find that same peace and hope.

It Was His

2010-12-05T23:13:00.001-08:00

When I am emotional, I sometimes get carried away in my feelings. This last year has been filled with a loss of control as I have allowed myself to be taken over in the heat of a moment. It is not something I am always proud of, as anger is often that driving force, but it is never something I regret.

I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be alone, and to be alone with so many people around. It is possible, you know, to be alone when so many people love and care about you. I feel it sometimes; I feel it because to me, as it always has been, being alone means not having the support and acceptance of my family. See, deep down, like I think we all feel, I am just a kid that wants his mom and dad and siblings to be proud of him, to love every part of him, to support him no matter what and to be happy because he is happy.

But, it really is not the case.

I was taught "men are that they might have joy," but I think now that I misread what actually said, "men are that they might subscribe to 'joy'". Unless I forsake my brain and my hypothalamus, I will never be able to subscribe to that "joy" and am therefore doomed either to misery on earth (meaning happiness for my family) or misery after death (assuming that there is misery after death for me). Maybe I am a gambler, but I choose the option with the least likeliness of personal misery. I choose life.

My family might not know it, but they are the reason for my joy. I owe my life to my father, and without him would never have experienced any of the joy in my life. His teachings are the reason I had hope when I was younger, and the reason I never wanted to keep on living. He does not know this yet, but when I was hurting because of the names classmates and church mates would call me, or the things the bible or my leaders would call me his words gave me hope that it would indeed get better. In a society that intimidated and stifled by teaching that one man had all the answers, my father raised me to listen first, and foremost, to the spirit within me and to my personal revelations. He taught me that men are men, though they may have or claim authority from God, they are first men and are therefore weakened by their own bias. If I was not raised with the beliefs my father instilled in me, I am not sure I would have stuck around to be raised at all.

Once I was able to acknowledge that I am the ultimate authority over my life, things got easier. Just being was no longer a challenge. I no longer feel the deep sorrow, shame and darkness from before and life has developed more meaning.

I think my grandpa opened my eyes to the meaning of life. Life is living, he taught me that after he passed; life is to be happy, to "have joy." He lived every day, not like it was his last; he lived each day like it was his.

The Worth of Every Soul

2010-07-22T18:19:00.001-07:00

I can remember two very distinct periods of my childhood and they correlate to the elementary schools I went to. During my first three years I never cared about the way I said things, how I looked or walked and I didn’t care about who I played with. The last three years were very different; I second guessed myself often, worried that any little thing I did or said might make me come off gay. I only cared because I was constantly reminded what the other kids thought of me, “Fag!” “Homo!” “Queer!” Names that only those who have been called by them know that they mean, “I hate you because you are different. You don’t deserve to be treated as an equal. You are not worth it.” I remember once a boy even came up behind me and thrust his self into me, most likely from a dare. I knew every one of those kids from church. I know that they weren’t taught to treat me that way in church, but interestingly enough I don’t remember a single instance where someone who didn’t go to my church called me such names.

“Heavenly Father, if I have to spend eternity in Hell, please do not make me be there alone. I will accept that I must be in Hell if you let me be with my family.” I plead with my creator through sobs and tears, trying to make a deal when I was just twelve years old. I was certain that because of something I had no control over, I would forever live in Hell. I had accepted my fate one night after nights of spending hours crying on my knees and only asked that my God wouldn’t abandon me to be alone. I asked that I could be with my family though there was no doubt in my mind that they would be in Heaven. I knew then that eternal punishment would be an existence without my family.

In church my self loathing grew deeper as I learned that God didn’t approve of the way I felt either, and that it was unnatural. I was taught that the natural man was an enemy to God and that somehow the unnatural way I felt was the natural man. To this day I am not sure if God wants me to be the natural man or an unnatural one, and I suppose I may never. I did come to know, however, that he does not like the way I am, regardless of its state of nature. I suppose that is why I was so quick to begin therapy to fix my handicap. I remember thinking somehow that I would no longer be broken, even though the therapist told me that I would always struggle with my same sex attraction but he would teach me the steps to recovery and maintaining a “healthy” life. Somehow, getting me to say “Fuck,” was part of the road to recovery. “Don’t you just want to swear sometimes, Matt?” he asked. “No, not really.” “You don’t even think swear words?” he came back with. “No, I don’t.” “Just say ‘fuck you’ to all those who have hurt you,” he prodded. “No, I don’t think I will.” I guess maybe if I had done what he wanted, I might be straight now. However, that was back when I would have taken a pill to become straight if there was one. Now, I would take a pill just to ensure that I will always be gay.

There came a point in my life when my self loathing turned into empowerment. I began to realize how ridiculous it was to spend life hating who I was. I began to realize that God loved me regardless and that he wanted me to have a family the way I wanted to have a family, with a husband and children. For the first time in my life, I was happy to be gay, and happy to be me. Ironically though, I became depressed but only because my happiness somehow made the people I love sad and I allowed their thoughts and their feelings to affect how I felt. I realized that that too, was not a healthy way to live.

It wasn’t long after that I realized that I would never fully love myself by embracing what I was taught in church. I had to let it go and let the Mormon Church go. My mother asked me once if being gay is the only reason I left the Mormon Church and truthfully it is not. I first questioned the church after a conversation one Christmas with my family. My father was explaining that scientology was a big crock because the man who started it was a science fiction author who said men were first aliens and they could only advance by paying large sums of money. I immediately thought, “Strange, mormonism was began by a fourteen year old boy who said that men were first intelligences (whatever that is) and they could only advance by paying ten percent of everything they earned.” Being gay didn’t make me lose faith in the Mormon Church, the Mormon Church made me lose faith in the Mormon Church.

I have also many times been called bitter regarding my feelings towards the Mormon Church. I am not bitter but saddened and disappointed with the church. Everytime I hear someone read Leviticus 18:22, explain that homosexuality is giving into carnality or compare me to an alcoholic, polygamist or pedophile. Everytime the church steps in to strip away individual freedoms or ask for donations to destroy marriage in the name of God. Everytime I am told that homosexuality will be the destruction of society as we know it, I hear “I hate you because you are different. You don’t deserve to be treated as an equal. You are not worth it.”

The DownRIGHT Crazy

2010-07-20T11:00:00.000-07:00

Growing up in a political, conservative, religious family instilled in me a sense of respect for the religious right. That respect has steadily declined over the years; however, I still maintained a certain amount until recent events had me questioning the sanity of my youth.

Between George Rekers and his propensity to rent boys like I use the Redbox around the corner and the Mormon Church’s failure to appreciate the “worth of every soul” that have been molested by those they place in leadership positions, I can no longer respect those who advocate one thing, or many things, but do another. I am not sure how I rationalized the hypocrisy in the past, but I think it might have something to do with my brain being washed by immersion.

Interestingly, Reverend George is a lot like Saul, from the Good Book. He persecuted the gay community for years, and would it surprise anybody if the blood of self-loathing suicidal teens was on his hands? Then one day, a donkey, we will call him “Lucien”, flipped his world completely around. He went from one of the most outspoken anti-gay/ex-gay activists to being caught, almost literally, in bed with his enemy. Reparative therapy seems to be more of a cover up for those afraid of living authentically. Is he a self loathing homophobe, or just downright crazy?

Sadly, I cannot find as nice a correlation for the Mormon Church as I could for Rekers. When I think of the Mormon Church a few things come to mind…a great and spacious building, secret combinations and the greatest pyramid scheme this world has ever known. With as hard as the Mormon Church works in opposition to the gay community, you would think that when men “called of God” are molesting young boys the church might do more than tell the molesters that they need to repent or they might have to spend eternity in the Terrestrial Kingdom. Such was the case with Timur Dykes of Oregon or Brad Stowell of Orange County, both of which were young men/boy scout leaders. Do they reside in the biggest white washed sepulcher of all, or are they just downright crazy?

After an article was published about me in Echo, a gay magazine, my mother called to explain that she had heard about the article from a member of United Families International. The organization is the epitome of the religious right. They fight to defend marriage from the gays, save children from the gays and deny rights to the gays. Oddly enough though, they enjoy reading magazines of the gays. I have a hard time finding a shred of lucid logic in their actions or their causes. Are they soldiers crusading for the glory of their regime, or are they just downright crazy?

To those who would tell me that god disapproves of me and I, therefore, should be treated like less of a person, I say are just downright crazy. If the religious right wants to present rational behavior I would suggest to them that they should stop trying to "cure" the gays, stop trying to cover up sodomy, and stop trying to defeat the gays while supporting gay media outlets.

In a country where "separate but equal" has failed, I find it disheartening that history has taught us nothing. But history does nothing if not repeat itself and soon all men truly might be equal based on their rights to life, liberty and especially happiness. If not, it is because we have yielded control to the downright crazy.

3 Years Ago

2010-05-06T12:12:00.000-07:00

It's strange to look back on life and the many places it has taken me. I have been looking through an email account that I haven't touched in about a year. I found an email from 3 years ago that I remember well.

It was a very dark time in my life: I was in reparative therapy to make me straight, hoping to serve a mission for the LDS Church (yet they told me I could probably only serve a service mission, which for a young man is a slap in the face, saying you aren't good enough, and all because I confessed my sins. Whereas, I'm sure most guys that go, don't, or they wouldn't be going...actually, I guess because their sins were with women it's okay, so never mind), I didn't have strong friends and all I wanted was love. I was counseling daily with my bishop of the time so that I could be worthy (worth it) again.

Here is an excerpt from this particular "Dear Bishop" journal entry May 18, 2007:

“But after I got home from volleyball, and even now as I write this e-mail, I have a strong desire for love and affection. I want so badly to love someone and be loved in return. I want romance. But, I know that what I want I can't have, and so I have to go on without it. I still am having a hard time feeling much of anything like love or concern though. It feels so empty to not have those good feelings or even feel any emotional attachment. I feel very alone. I will continue on though, I hope that as I continue on in what you have outlined that the Lord will answer my prayers.”

And the reply: “Plan and go on a date, or dates with a member of the opposite sex. There are plenty of young women out there who would love to date you.”

Rereading that has definitely brought me a lot of emotion. I see such a sad person in that boy that I was. Now, to see someone hurting so badly for love and affection (to give it and receive it) from someone they desire brings tears to my eyes, no matter whom. And that was me 3 years ago. Everyone deserves love; and why would God say that they can’t have it? How could I believe that God would say that? But I did, I accepted that I couldn’t have it…was resigned to my fate.

It’s thoughts of reliving my past or of anyone else having to live something similar that pushes me to fight for change. No one deserves to feel like they have to be happy without love, without the love shared between two people. If you agree, please don’t try to stop me, stand by me.

-Matt

Got Beef

2010-03-31T10:14:00.001-07:00

------ Memo ------
I've got some beef to settle with Disney and all chick flix out there. I have discovered with great difficulty that love is not at all what is portrayed in such films. Yes, being in love is great for the most part, but let's be honest...it sucks a lot, too.

Now, this is not a rant against Kent in anyway, because he is amazing. All of what I am saying is related to my relational psychosis. I have so many ideas overgrown in my head that all started as a tiny seed planted by Disney, chick flix and the ridiculous notion that love means two people are crazy mad for each other and that they always understand the needs and wants of their partner.

Sad to say, but no man will ever be able to meet the impossible albeit wonderful expectations that the movies I have loved so much have planted in my mind. As I review my relationship with Kent so far, I see that most of my problems come at moments when he is being an awesome boyfriend and trying so hard to be all he can and I am the irrational tyrant of a boyfriend that expects him to read my mind. I'm lucky he is stubborn and persistent because it's too late for me to wear a sign "SENSITIVE SOULS BEWARE!"

So, with a sarcastic amount of thanks to Disney (I'll send them the therapist's bill), I have a great amount of work ahead of me. If only it didn't sound ridiculous to say "I'll be happy when...I'm happy in love."

Why don't they tell you that when you love someone you hate them sometimes? Because it doesn't sell movies. Why don't they warn you that love is work? Because then therapists wouldn't make money.

If you ask me, Disney and chick flix should be blamed for the decline in the value of marriage and the increase in divorce and we should stop blaming the homosexuals. Darn them. Will I stop watching those movies? Never.

Grandpa, what's the point?

2010-03-14T21:28:00.000-07:00

A couple nights ago I had a dream, in which I found myself on my hands and knees when I noticed someone standing in front of me. As my eyes made their way up, they fell upon my grandfather's face.

I remember feeling complete surprise, excitement and joy at seeing my grandfather and having him in my presence again. Overwhelmed with emotion, I fell into his arms as he hugged me and smiled, beaming with love.

I could feel his strength, his pride and his great love for me as he held me. I looked at him with wet eyes and asked him, "Grandpa, what is it all about? What is the point?" to which he replied, "To enjoy life and to be happy." I then nervously asked him, "Grandpa, am I okay being gay?" and with no hesitation in his kind voice and a hint of surprise that I even had to ask, he responded, "Of course you are!" and hugged me tighter.

In an instant, he was gone, just as he had come and I was left with the peace I am sure he has felt for the last four months or so. At that moment, just as all the others when he was alive, I felt his amazing, undoubtable love that no other person can more adequately make me feel. It was real and his love is one that I want to possess in my own heart and allow others to show me.

The Truth About Reality

2010-03-04T16:19:00.000-08:00

The truth about reality is that it can be disappointing. I mean, I build up these ideas in my head that seem realistic and attainable until that time comes for reality to prove itself, alas, it does not.

Reality has taught me how completely neurotic my sense of it was, however. (I had to pause watching a mom challenge her sons to a race home from the bus stop; she is on foot running in sandals and jeans and they are on bikes. She just wants to have fun with them. My mom would do that to this day. It makes me feel better seeing that.) So, I can even see my own neurosis from a scene like that. I think like the boys must be thinking...how fun, I'm going to beat mom, then what if she wins? No fair! She's bigger. And if she loses? Did you let me win? With me, it seems, nobody wins. Boy, maybe those boys don't think like that. I've gotten to this point where I think reality is exactly what happens in my head and it sadly is not. When things go contrary to reality, I freak out and surrender control of my thoughts and emotions.

Poor Kent. He's been getting the brunt of it all, lately. Just the other day we were house sitting for some friends and watching their dogs (I would take care during the day and Kent would stay the night there. We took shifts, in a way.) So I was there and was tired, trying to nap in the other room and I heard him walk in. I thought "Great, we can hang out." But I wanted to make sure that was his thought so I waited, and waited. I could hear him doing anything he could other than come let me know he was there. Finally I walked out a little frustrated and asked "Why didn't you come find me?" He said that he wanted to let me sleep since he knew I was tired. I then threw out my typical "You aren't thoughtful," and he, his typical retort "You don't understand." (Man, we really are a pair.) The moral I learned is this: he is very thoughtful (he wanted me to get rest) but he just didn't do what I had built up in my mind as the thoughtful thing to do. So, there are all kinds of thoughtful and I have to accept them all, be they my idea of thoughtful or not. Kent has also learned that I really do understand, I just don't understand how he thinks I should understand.

It's strange that we can both speak English and yet say things that mean nothing until translated.

I'm learning that I can't be disappointed when reality isn't what I have built up in my head, starting with accepting that I'm lucky if 50% of the world like or agree with me. Also, relationships, even when...no, especially when you are in love, don't make life any easier. Often they make it harder. But, if it's worth it, the challenge just aids in bringing on the love. Oh yeah, and good conversations always come after a disagreement/fight, when the humility finally sets in.

All the love. Matt
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

John McCain Praises Barack Obama For \'Historic\' Victory - News Story | Music, Celebrity, Artist News | MTV News

2008-11-06T14:39:00.001-08:00

I was able to get tickets to McCain's election party. Sad day, but I had a great time. I saw John Voigt, mingled with some powerful people...and saw Sarah Palin, in the flesh. I love her.

Anyway, after McCain's speech I was interviewed and here it is for you to see. They didn't include my favorite part where I called for anyone who is so unhappy with the turn out that they would rather not live here, to move so that we no longer have to deal with them. We don't need people like that here. Check out the last paragraph!

John McCain Praises Barack Obama For 'Historic' Victory - News Story | Music, Celebrity, Artist News | MTV News

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Camping

2008-11-06T14:02:00.000-08:00

I went camping with my friends Ashley and Jay and we had a great time. Javi loves the outdoors and he just runs and plays near the camp.

After we woke up and ate breakfast Ashley noticed something moving and thought it might be a snake. So we checked it out and indeed it was. It was a Mohave rattler, I think that's what it was.

So, we decided to get it so that Javi could continue playing around without threat of death. So we began to stone it. How terrible it would have been in the old days to be stoned. This poor snake (right) tried to slither away and wouldn't even rattle, the wuss.

In the end Jay killed it with a shovel and we had a fun photo opp.

As we were taking one photo the snake bore its fangs right as the camera flashed and we did not see it coming and we screamed as I pushed Ashley down and ran. It was a good time.

Javi

2008-09-29T00:16:00.000-07:00

So I have been trying to teach Javi tricks. The little guy is so smart yet so stubborn and I can't take it sometimes. But, we are making progress. It also doesn't make it easier that he has to learn in two languages. Yes, Javi is bilingual, Spanish and English. I mean with a name like Javier, he would have to be. I have attached videos for you to see. The one I have yet to teach him is to come on command. He knows when I am calling him, yet her exercises his little agency and refuses when he knows it's something he doesn't want to do. What ever happened to taking away agency?

The end of summer

2008-08-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

Alright...so it finally ended. My dreaded summer is over and I thought I would be so happy. Well, I was, but that now means I have to rush to get my applications for med school done which I really didn't procrastinate doing, but my life plan wasn't as specific as I had thought. When I decided that I would be finishing school in three years rather than four it totally messed up the plan. Not complaining, I am so glad to be out of here in three, but it has caused a little extra stress. Got to love that.

But, the summer of Hell is over. The late days at school and then late nights of studying and doing homework...which I probably skipped all too often. The labs and the classes and the MCAT prep, so much to fit into a summer...yet, I wouldn't take it back. I would take the MCAT sooner, would prepare for it sooner but I am so glad to get it out of the way and on with my life. I would really like to get my scores back but I have to wait another three weeks. Not soon enough might I add. Anyway, I thank you for your prayers and your concern. I will let anyone that wants to know how things go and look so forward to finding out where I get to move next year.

Now I get to finish school and work out some new stresses which I am certainly apt to come across. And I'll do it with my shirt on.

My new life partner.

2008-06-29T11:30:00.000-07:00

Hey there....it's been a little while since I updated so I thought I would inform you all of the new addition in my life. His name is Javier, I call him Javi. He is so cute and so fun to be around that I wanted to let everyone know and put some pictures up so you could all see what I am talking about. I am sure that if you met him you would love him too.

This was taken the day we met. Cute, am I right?

This is him sleeping with my roommate Cody, it's a good thing I'm not a jealous guy.

Anyway, thought you would all agree with me that he is great. And yes, we do birthday parties.

VA BEACH

2008-05-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

So I went back to Virginia to spend time with the family. It was an awesome trip. I think with us all being older we get along a lot better, and probably that we haven't seen eachother all together in a year. Anyway, I got there on May 8th, Jake's birthday and we celebrated that and just caught up a little with one another. We then spent the next day around the house and went out and saw Ironman, which is a great movie. Then we went to VA Beach where it started out a little rainy. We celebrated Mother's Day on Sunday, my mom's birthday on Monday, took the family photo on Wednesday, Jake and Sarah's anniversary on Thursday. Congrats to them making it a year. We drove back to the house on Friday and celebrated Gracie's birthday She is three. Saturday was Lara and Matt's anniversary...6 years. Sunday I came home.
This is at the aquarium in VA Beach...the turtle is real...crazy huh? He was just chillin above me, swimmin around.

This is my nephew and his plummer crack...I thought it was so funny.

He also liked to make faces into the mirror when he thought nobody was watching.

My parents takin a walk -

Spring Break '08 Rocky Point

2008-05-20T20:55:00.000-07:00

So for Spring Break '08 I went to Rocky Point with Robbie, Matt and Tommy. George, Shane and Kelci met us there. We had a pretty great time and it is as crazy as they say. The craziness is avoidable so don't decide to not go because of the partying and nudeness. It's really not that bad. Anyway...we hit up the clubs, showed off some moves and rocked that beach. You should have been there.

oh yeah, I got a tattoo of a naked mermaid.

About a month and a half late...

2008-05-20T20:40:00.000-07:00

So, I guess it's probably safe to post and go public about it now because my parents know and seem okay with it...maybe not with the attachment of photos, but since they left our house completely empty and nobody had made an offer...it was a great temptation to throw a party there. I gave in and threw a rockin party. It was spring break that I decided it. Robbie Reader, Matt Barker, Tommy Tew and I were driving home from Rocky Point and wanted to bring a little Spring Break Rocky Point to Mesa. So we set the date and got to work on the plans....it was a great party and you don't hear much of foam parties so I think people liked it in that regard. We tarped off the walls so there would be no warpage and had the foam dance floor

in there and the regular dance floor in the family room. Even though we were very careful and courteous the neighbors still called the police who came and checked everything out and were very appreciative of our cooperation and left us in peace saying, "Have a great night." And that's that.

Oh yeah...if anyone wants to rent or buy a foam machine, give me a call.

Check me out!

2008-04-24T23:46:00.000-07:00

So I thought I would update after last....with the picture of my tattoo up comes an interesting story. I received an email from the brand manager of Amadeo Decada regarding my tattoo. She had been searching for links to the brand and my blog came up, she said that they were all so excited to see it and asked to put my picture in the gallery...its sweet, check it out http://www.amadeodecada.com/pages/gallery.html click on Amadeo Friends.

Anyway, otherwise life is going well...I turned 20 two days ago. I received much love and for that I am grateful. I was thinking about it too, you often hear of people's concern for growing older...in movies we see people staring into the mirror to see what new wrinkles or gray hairs could have grown over night. It never happens quite like that, but people are at times in awe of why they don't feel any different. Well, as I sat pondering this thought, I realized something: I do feel different, as I have on every birthday. Birthdays are a wonderful thing to me. I feel like there is more wisdom in age, maybe more respect. But, I just feel like I am more me. I don't know. But it's a good feeling. That's about it for now. Later.

Been a while

2008-04-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

So I know it has been a while...but who really checks this thing anyway? Well, I thought I would attach some photos. I don't really feel like saying much because I would rather be unconscious right now, but I was dinking around on this and checking out my family member's blogs. You should check them out too, they all have something special about them. We will all be getting together soon too, I am excited.
Here are the pictures..

So, I dyed my hair brown one day. It was random and I kind of like it. You may notice I didn't have my eye brows dyed for a day. Needless to say, people let me know.

Oh yeah, I also got a tattoo on my back. I really like the design. It's actually from a brand called Amadeo Decada, which I believe means "Love God Daily" or something. You may also notice that they are the cherubim from the Arc of the Covenant, although they are facing away from each other rather than towards.

Much love all. Happy greetings!

I lowlighted my hair.

2007-12-17T12:15:00.001-08:00

Yes...I decided that I wanted a little bit of a change. I got a spanish style cut, and I lowlighted it. It's not drastic, some people don't really even notice...which I find surprising because I think it's noticeable. For all the people that tell me my hair is white, you would think they would notice it wasn't anymore. Anyway, I have before and after for you to compare.

Cadiz, last week.

2007-12-17T02:23:00.000-08:00

I went to this beach town to stay with friends of my spanish family and it was so awesome. The city is called Cadiz and it is so beautiful. The temperature is great...a little humid, but I think I could get used to it. I should anyway. Well, I decided that I want to live there someday. I have a couple pictures...not really many. It is actually one of the ancient Roman ports and part of the city, well, the ancient city is sunk in the ocean and when the tide is out far enough you can see the tops of some of the buildings.

This is the "Cuban" beach where they filmed some scenes in Die Another Day in Cadiz.

So, for my last week...I am sick. I came down with a fever last weekend and am now suffering a bad cold. I have a terrible cough still, but Louis gave me a blessing of healing and it was really comforting and I am really grateful for it. Today it was funny though because I was up in my room when Louis yelled up to me
"Mateo!"
"¿Sí?"
"Baja" (come down here)
and then I heard Cristina say "Por favor" to Louis to remind him to say it.
"Por favor?"
"Sí, voy" (coming)
and when I walked in the kitchen they were standing there facing me very seriously, and I realized it was an intervention. And as I was trying to think of what I could possibly deserve an intervention for, they directed me to the counter where sitting there was a jar of cough syrup with a big spoon.
Louis said, "We don't like this cough. We need to take care of you." And Cristina said, "So you need to take two tablespoons a day."
Then once I had taken it they asked me how it was, and that was that.

Funny Stories

2007-12-08T02:03:00.000-08:00

Okay, no pictures for now...I just wanted to write down some funny things so that I wouldn't forget them. I mean, it won't be the same because I am going to write them in English and they happened in Spanish, and things just seem funnier in Spanish for some reason.
For everyone's info, the characters are here named:
Luis Mariano: Father
Cristina: Mother
Luis: 6 year old son
Jacob: 3 year old son (pronounced hah-cobe)

First...one night we went to the store for compras, and Jacob peed his pants a little (he's still being potty trained) and so we went outside and Cristina took him over to a wall to help him do his thing when I hear her scream. I asked her what was wrong and she turned around whiping her face and said "He peed in my eye!"
I thought it was funny because she didn't seem to mind at all, she just thought it was really funny and had no idea how he could even do that. You'd be surprised what you can do though.

Second...you know how when kids are growing up they do lots of things they shouldn't? Same story here. In the U.S. we say, "We don't do that. We don't touch that/lick that/bite that...etc." Here they do the same thing, they say "Eso, no se hace." Basically I am always telling Luis "We don't do this or that." Well, one night at dinner Luis farted and his parents got upset and said "Luis, WE don't do that!" To which, Luis got really angry and said "Well, Mateo farted in my ear!" and he turned to me and yelled "MATEO, ESO no SE hace!" I was kind of taken a back and embarrassed and all I could say was, "I'm sorry Luis, I ask your forgiveness" and Luis Mariano turned to me kind of ironically and said, "I think it's past time for that, don't even worry about it," or something along those lines.

Third...another farting story. We were sitting at the table when Jacob quietly got up and started heading away. As he passed his mom he said, "Mamá, I farted twice." And Cristina said, "Two farts?" And Jacob replied, "Sí, it smells" and then just walked away. It was so funny. Cristina busted up laughing and could not control herself as Luis Mariano sat keeping a straight face so he wouldn't condone the action. Once Cristina composed herself and Luis and I were still laughing, she said "Ok, that's enough." Haha, I imagine my mom doing something similar.
Reminds me of Jack asking Jake to pull his finger at Grandma and Grandpa Huish's house and farting and just keeping a straight face completely. And Grandpa laughing so hard.

That's my funny stories for now.

I had a great time visiting friends of the family here. They were so awesome and wouldn't let me pay for anything. They let me help decorate their Christmas Tree and took me out for Mexican food, fed me pancakes. They were great. I think I have also found what city I want to live in when I move here. Cadiz, Spain.

Las Alpujarras haciendo senderismo

2007-11-19T11:01:00.000-08:00

Okay...so this last weekend I went to Las Alpujarras. They are the villages in the mountains. In the Sierra Nevada. It is really a nice peaceful, simple place and I loved it. It was so perfect for hiking and got some really good pictures. I hope you enjoy...they aren't really nicely placed around. There isn't much I can or feel like doing with them except throwing them up on here.

The little boy kept trying to steal things from everyone.

Freakin' Africa!

2007-11-14T08:59:00.000-08:00

Okay...I know I took a little while, but finally here are my pictures from Africa. I hope you enjoy them. It was really an awesome trip.
1. I went into the city, Granada...because I live at "the arse end of nowhere" for anyone who doesn't already know, to stay the night. We had to leave at 4 in the morning from Puerta Real. I stayed in a friend's dorm room who lives near there until it was time. And I was sick...a cold, no good. Didn't get much sleep and the 18 hour trip to the first city was torture. Each time I was just asleep they would stop for a break. I needed nyquil or something. First city was Fes. There we stayed two nights in a pretty nice hotel and had some great buffets for each meal.
2. We went to the Medina our second day in Fes and toured that. It was really cool. It was the old neighborhood..that's what Medina means. They had little shops and stuff we went to there. We visited the rug maker, the school, the turban maker, the tannery, the pharmacist. Lots of cool things. We had a great meal in a nice restaraunt where we later conveniened again that night for the SPECTACULO! Which was a lot of people dancing. One lady dragged me up which you can see in a video below. It was pretty fun. There was another lady who could have been a man...but she had a torch that she would rub all over herself and bit and suck on...talk about weird. Oh yeah...funny story, the second night in Fes my roomates and I were woken up by a visitor, pounding on the door. I opened it and this kid who studies in Málaga walked in thinking it was his room. Pretty sure he was a little wasted. He started undressing while insulting us for being in his room. He then walked into the bathroom, peed in the bidet and flushed the toilet. Then he told my friend to scoot over and climbed into the twin with him. We told him he was in the wrong room but he didn't believe it until he decided to check the door...he got really embarassed, dressed himself fast and got out.

3. The third day we took a 12 hour bus ride/4x4 ride out into the Sahara where we camped for two nights. It wasn't exactly camping I would say. It was pretty high class. Matresses and nice blankets. Buffet meals. The day after we got there we woke up early to see the sunrise and it was beautiful. Then we visited a typical village on camelback. Painful, but pretty fun. I thought this camel looked like the dog on Neverending Story. I got sunburned and it quickly went away after I took advil. Who knew that advil made sunburns go away?! We had some fun at nights where there was dancing and great music. We all just pretty much have fun together.
4. We then took another 12 hour ride to Meknes where we stayed in a sweet hotel with awesome showers. It was so great to get a good shower for once on the trip. But, I forgot the water was bad because I was so relaxed in the shower and I drank some. Never drink the water in Morocco. I got sick. Felt it the whole 16 ride back. Oh yeah...saw some monkeys and played with them. I almost got one to jump on me...but as he was getting ready to jump he started growling and showing his teeth. I thought that was a bad sign and I took off.

Some observations...I love people who don't have much. They find fun in really nothing but each other's company. It was really awesome just to be there and talk with them and have a great time. In some places they didn't have any technology and really no connections with the world around them. I let those people listen to my IPOD which they liked a lot. Especially the kids. And I played Lion King. I thought it was appropriate. One thing that one of the Moroccans said though that really stuck out to me...he said he didn't have much education beyond 4th grade or so...but that coming out and sitting in the dunes under the stars, talking to foreigners was his education. And it was true...they could converse in so many languages. They are smart people, and I think people forget that because they don't have all the advantages we all do. Anyway, that's my thoughts.

For now, some videos from Africa

2007-11-07T08:04:00.000-08:00

Video from concert.

2007-10-25T14:32:00.000-07:00

Forgot this.

Barcelona and Mika Concert

2007-10-25T14:16:00.000-07:00

I couldn't go any longer without describing Mika and Barcelona. Well, just since I decided to do Italy I thought I would knock it all out at once.

I went to Barcelona last weekend, simply to see Mika in concert. And let me tell you, it was worth it.

Schedule:
Ditched class on Thursday to fly to Barcelona with my friend Eric. We didn't know it, but some other girls from our program were going to Barcelona, too. We didn't know them before this, and now we are great friends. We got settled in our Hostel (hostel living is interesting, I recommend everyone do it in their life), then headed out to meet the girls because they stayed in a different hostel which was at the arse end of nowhere (I will explain later). We saw this sweet market with all this candy and food and animals for sale. Went down to the boardwalk and saw some little monuments. Then we ventured to find Palau Sant Jordi, which is a stadium up on a mountain in a park right by Olympic Stadium from '92 I believe. It was definitely a hike, let me tell you. We wandered around aimlessly until we actually found it. I was a little tired of walking at this point. Eric and I went to the concert and the girls went to dinner and home, to the hostel. Eric and I survived this day with each of us eating one sandwhich at lunch and having no dinner.

Thought you might want to see how I dress myself now.

The concert needs its own paragraph. It was amazing. Videos attached. I was so impressed by his performance. Also met some Barcelona kids, young...didn't really know the scene. But they were cool to talk to. All they wanted to talk about was High School Musical. And sadly, I knew everything they were talking about. Thanks Katie, for forcing me to watch it multiple times while in Italy. So, Mika performed every song and then some. He had 3 songs I hadn't heard, which were great.

After the concert we had to walk to the metro, which closed when we were supposed to connect to a different line so we had to take the bus. Then hike the mountain to our hostel. Great time.
The next day we slept in and headed out for some sight seeing. We finally ate, we didn't have breakfast either. We saw some Gaudi work. The Gaudi park and what not. Then that night we went out on the town. Stayed out til the morning metro opened. Don't worry..I was good. Still, I have never tasted alcohol. Pat on the back.

Oh yeah, we were also late every time we went to meet our friends. We would hang with these Scottish girls in our hostel. They taught us some good sayings and they were extremely funny. We taught them...ate it (like when you trip and eat it.) We taught them "that's what she said" (kudos to The Office). That is where I got, "the arse end of nowhere" it means "far away". Also one I like..."you takin the piss (out of me)"? it means "are you messing with me/ you pullin my leg"?

Okay, Saturday we went to La Sagrada Familia which is really interesting and cool. Went to the beach...freezing, sat in the sand for 2 minutes and left. Then sat in a coffee shop for 3 hours, playing "never have i ever". Went home, stayed up all night chilling with the Scottish lasses. Then caught the metro at 4:30 am and went to the airport. All in time to make it back for church. Which I could have died during.

That is all. And tomorrow I am off to Sevilla. Hoping to catch a soccer game.

ITALY

2007-10-25T13:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I know it has been a while in coming, and I have already taken other trips...but I couldn't go on in my blog without updating about Italy.

Suffice it to say, that it was an awesome trip. It was sooo good to see my family again, well the part of them that I saw. I love them so much. We had so much fun chilling with the Romans and walking among ancient ruins. The Colluseum. You know the drill. And, I love Italian food so I was in heave. It was all so beautiful.

We flew to Rome on Saturday and was that interesting. My original plan was to talk the 11 am bus to Málaga to catch the plane with my family. But I had a feeling I should take the 10 am so I went to catch it, and right before I walked on...I remembered I didn't have my passport. So my awesome Spanish family brought it to me and saved the day. So I had to take the 11 am bus. Good thing I followed inspiration. It's a great thing to receive. Then I might a really nice old man who is now my friend and he calls me to check up on me once in a while. I think he may go to church with me one of these days. But I am gone alot on the weekends, so we shall see. Anyway, there was horrible traffic and I almost didn't make it to the airport on time but luckily I barely did.

Our first sunset was beautiful, one like I haven't seen...or one like you don't see anywhere other than maybe AZ.

We spent Saturday to Tuesday in Rome. Then went to Florence, which was my favorite...and I think everyone else's. We toured, bought a lot, and ate a lot of gelato. It was a great time. We went back to Rome on Friday and came home Saturday. It was awesome. Saturday I spent some time with my old man friend and a new Italian friend I made that lives in Málaga as well.

Then it was G Con. And much of that went over my head. It was great to feel the spirit there though. It was a great time. And, I saw my friend Dex Nye which was cool.

Hm, I don't have much more to say other than that I love my parents and all that they have done for me, so I will let my slideshow do the rest of the talking.

Hey

2007-09-28T03:19:00.000-07:00

So, I know it's been a little while since I wrote, so I thought it was about time. Things are good for me here. I have decided that, although I couldn't live here for longer than I am at this moment, I could definitely move here when I am married. I love it. And I would love for my family to have a second language in common. Anyway, I have a little time before I have to get ready for school so I decided to write. My parents and Katie are here in Spain right now. I spent Sunday and Monday of this week with them, but I won't see them until tomorrow when we leave for ITALY! I am so excited for that. But for now, I will just talk about what has passed. I took my final yesterday which was a breeze, mainly because my teachers let us write it. So I basically knew all the answers. But, one group in charge of part of it circled the answers and so my teacher threw out their part and made his own...which was a little harder. But still, I think I did well. Today in class we are just going to watch movies the whole time. Having my Katie and my parents here was awesome. I finally felt like I was really away and in another country when they were here, because I had to translate for them and explain the culture and things here. It just made it a little more concrete. And of course, I just love them. It also made me love the family I am living with even more. They are so gracious and humble. They let my family sleep here, and gave their own bed to my parents. Now I know for sure how lucky I am to be here, but how it really wasn't luck or coincidence, but I am sure that it was the big plan. It is great to get to know them and talk to them (what little I can talk, I more listen). But I have a lot of pictures I want to post, and I will explain them. First I here are some of the house and neighborhood I live in. I think they are all of when it rained here. Record rainfall in the last 30 years. It hailed too. And in one city the hail was the size of eggs and sent many people to the hospital, many cars washed over the sides of the roads. Bad story.
Next I just have a bunch of me from when I went out with the missionaries. One Pday we went to a city called Jaen to hike to a destroyed castle. It was a fun day, and I really enjoy my time with them. This last Pday we went to La Alhambra which is a beautiful place with awesome grounds and palaces. It is Arabic and I think the structure shows that a bit. First, was the castle in Jaen though. It may look ugly but I am going to randomly place them all over.
These are the missionaries, let me name them, left to right...Elder Bangerter, Me, Hermana Boisserie, Member, Elder Clemmins, Elder Ramos, Elder Weekes, Elder Sorenson, and in front Hermana Oliva with Elder Orme taking the picture.
Here is the cross at the castle.

And now for pictures from La Alhambra...
This is una granada (the city I live in was named after this), in English, it's a pomegranite.
Me and Elder Sorenson (from California).

All the Elders and Me straddling the roof of a stairway underneath. After we got off, a bunch of Koreans jumped on to take a picture just like it. I then learned how to say hello and goodbye in Korean..it's the same thing. I would spell it something like this "anyao".

And here are just a bunch more. The one at night is in Granada, nothing to do with the castle or La Alhambra.

I think I am developing my knack for taking pictures. The one with the white flowers is a personal favorite of mine. Anyway, I hope you all are well. I am great. The Bishop here told me he wanted to give me a calling once my records are transfered. That makes me a little nervous and excited all at the same time. The Garcias told me that they think it would be something like being a Young Men advisor, which is crazy! But I would love it. They would just have to have a little patience with me, but I am sure the Lord would help me learn Spanish real quick if His youth were in my hands. The Bishop here is also one of the nicest men I have ever met, so you don't have too much to worry about with me. Well, I will talk to you later. Much love.

pictures!

2007-09-16T16:04:00.000-07:00

Slideshows

2007-09-14T03:56:00.000-07:00

I have a cool story.

2007-09-14T03:05:00.001-07:00

okay...so just so you all know I am not forgetting the good work, I have a story for you. I have to take the bus from my house into the city everyday because I live in a town about 10k away. I was sitting at the bus stop and a man started talking to me. It was unusual for me because it seems like people on the street usually take one stare and then avoid me like the plague. So, I started talking to him and he asked me if I was from Englad (this all took place in Spanish of course). I told him no, that I am from the U.S. and he said that he has a friend from the U.S. I asked him from where and he said that his friend is a missionary for the Church. ("¡No me digas!") I began to push the subject and he told me that the missionaries had talked to him and shared with him their words and that he liked them. But, it has been several months since he has talked to them or visited church. The missionaries he spoke to have transferred and he doesn't know where they are, which was no problem for me. He talked many times about how the missionaries said it was the only true gospel and such and that he would like to continue looking into it but it's hard because he works so much and has no time. He also was interested in the free English program the missionaries offer here. So, I got his address and phone number and gave it to the sisters who ate lunch with us yesterday and they were glad for that. They said they would check in on him right away. The Lord crosses our paths for reasons. Isn't it strange how things can work out? It is a wonderful work that we are all here to do. Keep up the work, all.

Things learned

2007-09-11T15:10:00.000-07:00

I have learned a lot of new things while I am in Spain. I also have some funny things that happen or whatever. One day I was eating lunch and Louis, my señor or the father of the house, called me in to the room he was in and told me to sit next to him as he cleared a space. As he was doing this he said, "Mira la segunda guerra mundial" or "watch WW2." I looked up and was a little surprised to find that he was playing Call of Duty 2 on playstation. Other times when I walk in, he will tell me about how hard a battle has been for him. It's pretty amusing I think.

What else...oh yeah, other times when I have been in situations where people speak Spanish I could get away with saying "Sí" if I didn't understand something. It did get me into trouble a few times, like the time I told my señora in Mexico that there would be supervision with us going to the discoteca and there definitely was not. Anyway, I can't anymore. I guess I make a certain face when I don't understand but I say "Sí" anyway, and this family knows that face. They have learned when I am lying to them. In the end, I learn more because of it.

I gave the two little boys, Louis and Jacob, sesame street books. Tonight we were looking through them and Louis, the father, pointed to Bert and Ernie and said, "Los primeros gays". No joke. They say "gay" here too. Also, if you were wondering...they say mariquita, mariposa, and maricón. Maricón is most offensive of all and basically means "flaming fag." A maricona is a crossdressing gay. But, it is more appropriate or correct to call them "transia" I think. Just as it is more correct to say there is a gay, than maricón. Lesson learned.

Hm, I have also learned much about spanish basketball, which I didn't even think they had. España actually has a pretty good team. Tonight they beat Israel. You yell "Dentro" when it looks like the ball is going in, or once it's in. "Pasos" means traveling. "Falta" = foul. "Triple" = 3 pointer. That is sufficient for now I think. oh also, a tie is impato I think, and live = invivo.

Flights are really cheap here. That's really about it for now. I have pictures but they take so long to put up. Maybe I will make a slide show. later

.....

2007-09-09T05:50:00.000-07:00

So, I continue my story. I went to the beach this weekend. In Málaga. It was about an hour and a half drive south. It was really nice. The weather was beautiful and the water felt amazing. It was really cool. Perfect. I definitely sported the speedo, I mean, I am in Europe. I have to say though...there were only two of us under 40 or 50 that I saw, that wore speedos. Note for next time. The beach was just like I have heard though, many topless women. Interesting as how I really have never seen that before, I think I had my fill. It wasn't all that it's cracked up to be, to be honest. I would say half of the women you want to put their tops back on. One thing that sucked about the trip is that my friend, Sean, had his wallet stollen by some pretty tricky gypsies. He was being really nice and chilling with them and talking to him. The minute he went down to the water, they struck and passed it on in some tricky organized chain of people like you would expect to see in a movie. I didn't see it, however the people sitting on the towel behind us did. Here is how it went down: He came back from the water and was looking for his wallet, we found it nowhere and looked for 5-10 minutes. Then he asked the delinquents if they had seen it when he was talking to them and they said no, mentirosos. Then we looked somemore, and the couple behind us said "Are you looking for the wallet?" And we told them we were, and they told us that those vagrants did take it, and they had watched it get passed from person to person and said we had no hope of knowing who it was with now and it was gone. The jerks said nothing while watching the wallet be stolen. They just chilled and ate their popsicles, and waited until we had exhausted our search to tell us that there was no chance because they had watched it get passed around like a hot potatoe. Now that's a stinking peanut gallery you don't want to hear from if I ever saw one.

Anyway, I came home early because I wanted to go to church here in Granada and my friends stayed in Málaga. Church was wonderful. It feels as if I hadn't been in so long, and it was so refreshing to be there. It was as if I truly had a thirst that I didn't realize was there. And when in Spain, you go thirsty alot, because water isn't all that readily available. Anyway, the people are wonderful, and there are some great missionaries who I will really enjoy getting to know. I might go to a bull fight with them this week. And to my surprise, the church is the same here in Spain. I just wanted to say that, because I always find it interesting when people say that, like they thought it would be different somewhere. They did have Sacrament Meeting last, but I kind of liked it that way. It made the three hours shorter in a way.

That brings me to this point, I am going to siesta and then talk to my parents in a two hours. Later.

oh so cool

2007-09-06T13:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I am not going to lie...I have been a little disappointed by the lack of people's interest in my blonde hair. I came here, fully ready to stick out like a sour thumb, even among the tourists. Yet, the people could care less that I am here. Well, except my two little Spanish brothers...Louis and Jacob. Whenever they have friends over they bring them up to me room, open my door and point at me (Like some kind of circus freak or zoo animal). Sometimes they laugh, but they can stand there and point for a while. These people have stamina, I'm telling you.

The family I am living with, really is amazing. I talk to the other students from all over and each one of them has at least one complaint with their families. I have none. They are so kind, treat me like I belong. They feed me plenty, allow me to do whatever, sleep til whenever and go to bed whenever. They told me that I am their familiy while I am here...but they aren't my parents. So, that works for me. See, my problem is that they live so far away from everything. I can't hang out with my friends at night because I am not even close to them. If this family lived near the school, everything would be perfect. Well, and if I had an extra $2,000.00. Then it would be. See, I don't ask for much. $2,000.00 isn't a huge amount.

I thought I would explain a favorite past time of mine. As I am walking down the streets I watch the Spaniards and I figure out who their American counterpart is. Tonight I was riding the bus and found my 6th grade teacher, Miss Tomlinson, the spanish version. There are others too, but I can't remember. I need to write these down. It would be sweet if I could get pictures too, oh to be so bold. Well, that's all for me right now. I think I will write again later.

Spain

2007-09-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

So, I am here in Spain now. I have been having an awesome time, even though I haven't quite been able to settle in. I'm not yet at the house I will be living in, and I have been living out of a suit case, but I figure that's ok, since I have been touring Spain a bit. Right now I am in Toledo and it is a beautiful city. I have had so much fun with the crowd I have been hanging with. We laugh all the time and everything is always fun. No matter what we are doing. It really is fun to try and figure things out here, especially dinner. It can be a little frustrating but just have to laugh it off as I go. Here are some pictures for you to enjoy:
This is in la puerta del sol. Friday 8/31, right before meeting up with Dallin Harris for dinner and a late night tour of Madrid.
This is me walking the the streets of Toledo. My legs have been tired from so much walking. It will only get better.

I have to jet now, I have a meeting and my prepaid minutes for WIFI are almost up. Later!

1 day til departure

2007-08-27T00:05:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I am sitting here thinking about Spain. It's hard to really know what to think. Should I be nervous, excited, worried or should i just go crazy. But actually, I really don't care about what I should think. I am just dang excited. It's about time for this to happen. I need a pretty sweet adventure. I just don't really know what to expect when I get there. I can not wait to get there and see how this is going to go. Anyway, I am sitting here chilling with Katie watching High School Musical 2 for the almost 3rd time. She just got into town from California and she doesn't have cable so she couldn't watch it. So, we are catching up on lost time. Anyway, I leave on Tuesday about 5:30 a.m. for the airport and it's going to be awesome. If I have enough money, I probably won't even be back until after Christmas, so it will be a lonely one, but hopefully it will be white. Yeah, anyway, that's all for me.

my trip to cali

2007-08-17T11:36:00.001-07:00

I went to visit Katie before leaving to Spain. It was a great trip. Brock and Mel, his sister, and they were great company. It was good to have them aboard. But, as always, it was great to see Katie and we had a great time at the beach. And just checking out random places in cali. I definitely got burned and now have splotches from peeling, but I wouldn't trade it. We also checked out the Newport Beach Temple. Pictures shall follow.

LATER!

NEW

2007-07-26T23:20:00.001-07:00

So, I got a new job. I know, I have been a little iffy on jobs lately, but I found one that I think will stick....AMERICOPY! I really enjoy it. I love the people I work with, and they really work well for my hours. I couldn't be happier with the job. Well, maybe if I got paid 3k per hour, but I get paid well enough, so no complaining. I just needed money so I wouldn't be living in the streets in Spain. I leave on August 28th for Spain and I am so excited. I will be living in a piso compartido, I believe. Which is to say that I will be sharing a flat with other students. Which, I have to say will be cool. And it's cheaper than living with a family. Anyway, summer school is also almost over. 1 more week and I will have met my goals...A's in summer school. 11 credits at 4.0. It's awesome. I would recommend summer school to anyone, especially if they are sciences. I guess that's about it for now. Oh, in 2 weeks I am going to visit Katie in California. I am excited for that, because I get to see her before I leave. It may be the last time for a couple months though, and that's sad. I will be in Spain for four, but Katie and my parents are coming to visit me in October and we are all going to Italy! I think Katie and I may just both find our amores there. Later for now.

Changes

2007-06-24T02:27:00.000-07:00

Lots of changes. I never worked at Outback. I got offered a job, which I probably should have taken. But, I thought I would like another that I got offered, more. I quit that one after two weeks. It left me in pain. So, now I have more of a life, but less money. I don't know really what I am going to do about that. I am getting a great grade in BIO this summer though. I am pretty proud of myself. I also became certified for CPR. So if anyone is about to die, I can save you, or them...whoever it is.

I guess I should update

2007-05-30T17:37:00.000-07:00

So, I know it's been a while...and yeah, a lot has happened.
First...Jake and Sarah got married and we are all way happy about it.
I also decided last minute that Cali wasn't right for me. I want to stay close to my family before we all separate across the states and globe. All else is the same though. Well, I am going to summer school now, taking Biology and I will be working at Outback Steakhouse as a server. I am pretty excited. I have always wanted to try my hand at being a waiter. Hopefully I will like it. I guess I really don't have much more to say.
Family went to the cabin for Memorial weekend. We have a Newport Beach trip coming up August 10-17.
I will also be volunteering at Banner Desert Hospital in the Pediatric Tower. I am stoked about that, too.
That's what's up.

Crazy Week

2007-05-08T00:28:00.000-07:00

This next week is going to be a little crazy, and I am beginning to wonder if I will be able to handle it all. I have my last final in about 12 hours and then, my first year in college is over. It's all pretty exciting to me. Plus, I get to get away from everything. I am getting more and more excited to start to live my life. I can finally take control and let things be how I want them to be. Of course, much of my time will be dictated by a job, but I can be in a new place and meet new people. I am waiting for this to happen.

I watched the last 45 minutes of The Secret tonight. I know that I need to focus on what is positive and good. My focuses are on money, friendships, and travel. I will make at least $20,000 this summer and will think the thoughts to attract that to me. And then, in the fall and winter, I plan to travel a lot. I'm attracting these plans through my energy. I am now sending out signals for them to come to me. That's about the extent of that for now.

Anyway, we had a family meeting tonight to discuss the upcoming week...it goes as follows:
Tuesday, May 8 - Jake's Birthday and my last final. Jake's birthday barbeque at 6.
I need to sell some items on ebay, sell my school books on halfbay or amazon, sell the cavalier, finish the
paperwork for study abroad, clean my room and get it ready to not have an occupant. (These to do's can
be spread along other days as well)
Wednesday, May 9 - Continue with my to do's, maybe mowe the lawn, make sure to get stuff for Amanda to drive to CALI
Thursday, May 10 - Katie's commencement and graduation, family dinner before then
Friday, May 11 - Sarah goes through the temple and then family dinner afterwards with the in-laws family
Saturday, May 12 - Mom's Birthday
Sunday, May 13 - Mother's Day and Mom and Gracie's birthday celebration, last Sunday in Menlo Park ward
Monday, May 14 - Wedding Dinner, have to help set up tables and chairs, must begin laundry
Tuesday, May 15 - Wedding at noon, reception that night, last goodbyes to friends
Wednesday, May 16 - Move to California and say goodbye to AZ for a time

That is my week. I guess written out it doesn't seem as much. But that is a lot of stuff to do.

DOLPHINS

2007-03-30T00:21:00.000-07:00

I finally have the pictures of the dolphins. Thank you to my sister, Lara, she scanned them for me, or my brother-in-law Matt might have. But thanks to them, I can now post them for you all to see. These were taken in Puerto Vallarta. We had a lot of fun with the dolphins.

Mexican Riviera

2007-03-25T18:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I finally have the pictures now to prove that I had an amazing Spring Break. Now, you may become very jealous, but don't be. Well, actually yes, be jealous. It was an awesome vacation. I think I will detail it by day:
Saturday, March 10: We left the house at 6:00 a.m. I was surprised, I think it was the first time we actually left within 15 minutes of when we said we would. We drove out to LA, arriving about noon accounting for daylight savings. We unloaded everything and went up on deck to watch the boat leave port. We went to dinner, and it was great. Everynight dinner was amazing. We had some of the best tasting fine dining I have ever had. My favorite I think was the King Crab. Although on that day I didn't feel good and only ate a little bit. But for dessert it was crem brulee, most def.
Sunday, March 11: It was a very cloudy day and we didnt even want to chill out on the deck and soak up the sun. So, we went to the movie theatre and watched Casino Royale which was an awesome movie. We also spent several hours on board this cruise playing scum. I have to say, I have become the champion of that game.
Monday, March 12: This was the perfect day to soak up the sun. We spent many hours out by the pool swimming, eating, and just laying around being with eachother. I didn't even burn. My skin got a little tender, and I like to think I darkened. But no buring for me. It was a good day. Oh yeah, I also have to tell you about the hypnotist. This guy Steve Bayner was part of the entertainment and he hypnotized people to do some awesome things. He had them thinking they were naked, thinking he was naked, and one kid even thought he was Michael Jackson and did an awesome impression of Beat It. I even went up and took my chance at being hypnotized. It was really funny I have the DVD.
Tuesday, March 13: Puerto Vallarta! We had to wake up super early to get off the ship. And I had been out late, just talking. If you know what I mean. (But really, she's a cool girl) We waent to a water park and we swam with dolphins. La experiencia de la vida! I laid in the water and they pushed my feet with their noses until I was standing straight up. It was awesome. I also got to kiss them, and dance with them and ride them. This is one of those times that people would get jealous. I have to have my sister, Lara, scan the pictures before I can put them on here though. Then we played in the water park and went down these awesome tube slides. We had a great time. We also got to shop and then go back to the ship for another awesome dinner.
Wednesday, March 14: Mazatlan! Here we went kayaking to Deer Island. There were no deer there though. We played sand volleyball and got a lot more sun this day. Then we shopped and went back to the ship.
They had a comedian that night I think.
Thursday, March 15: Cabo San Lucas! This was my favorite city. It was very pretty and the beaches and water were amazing and clean. We just decided to chill on the beach this day and to do some shopping. Katie and I, and Jake and Sarah all rode jet skis, which was way cool. I have never ridden one before and I had so much fun. I couldn't stop laughing. Even when I got sprayed by some of the saltiest water ever and my eyes were burning. Haha. It was a great time.
Friday, March 16: This was our last full day on the ship. And it was cloudy and cold. But we still made the most of it. We played a long game of scum and had a great time. I also went up to Skywalker's Lounge for some dancing. It was a little much for me and I was tired so I peaced.
Saturday, March 17: We had to leave. We spent a few hours waiting for them to let us off the ship and then we drove home. Long day. But it was totally an awesome trip. There. I hope this does a little justice to SB.

Golf Cart High-Jacking

2007-03-25T11:10:00.000-07:00

So, I know that I still need to leave a detailed post of my spring break trip, but I am awaiting pictures from my sister, Lara, who has a compiled cd of everyone's pictures. (I didn't take any pictures other than those of a seal). I am now going to post on an adventure that I had with my friend Stine. She and I decided we wanted to do something unique and fun, that was picture worthy. I grabbed my camera and we headed out for Encanto Park in Phoenix. Once we realized there was a golf course we joked about renting a golf cart to drive around while not actually playing any golf.
We then wandered into the clubhouse and asked the man working if we could rent a cart. He asked, "And nine holes?" To which we replied, "No, we just want a cart to drive around the park." He was really confused and said that nobody had ever asked that before. And we asked, "Well, can we?" And he said, "I guess so," and gave us the key and we were off. It was a well spent 12 dollars seeing as how he didn't give us a time limit. We rode to our heart's content. The course was wet and muddy also and we had a good time fish tailing and hydroplaning. I splattered Christine all over her right side with mud. We chased birds, and stopped to pose for pictures. It really was a great time. At one point a man yelled at us and asked if we were stupid, because we didn't realize but we were driving in the rough along the fairway he was hitting down. And then we apologized and he said, "It's ok, it's all about having fun" at which point Stine thought she saw a joint in his hand. So we new, he really was all about the good times. Let them roll!

Thoughts

2007-03-22T23:19:00.000-07:00

The other day I was in a really pensive mood and, as that word implies, I had been doing a lot of thinking. I passed by a whiteboard and I looked up and read it...on it was the quote "To thine own self be true." William Shakespeare said that. Although I have heard that before it never meant as much. I thought about all the times that I haven't been truly honest with myself, which as I came to find is quite often. The quote now has new meaning, especially as my life will be taking many different turns in the coming months. I wish I could see where life was going, but I guess as I go from day to day and be true to myself, as the quote directs, then I don't really have to wonder if life will be good. I just know it will.

Karaoke

2007-03-18T18:00:00.000-07:00

I did some karaoke on the cruise, and I thought I would post it. I sang "Breaking Up is Hard to Do" by Niel Sedeka. I didn't realize it went as high as it does, so I cracked a few times. This is all I have so far, there will be more to come later. We did some pretty awesome stuff and I will post pictures and tell all about it later.

Pre-cruise

2007-03-07T13:26:00.000-08:00

I thought I would leave a post pre-cruise, so that I could compare how excited I am now...to if it meets my expectations after. I think this is probably the family vacation I am most excited for. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I finally feel like I fit in with the siblings because I am an adult. Or, it could just be that it will be our last time really being all together for a long time. I don't know exactly, but I can't wait to spend this time with my family. I don't know if I would be as excited to go on this cruise with friends. The siblings and I have all gotten pretty tight as I have finally joined the ranks of adulthood. So, we will see how it goes.

2007-02-24T17:38:00.000-08:00

This of course is Spain. I'm really on a big Spain kick right now since I will be living there in a few months. It's hard to grasp that I will be leaving and moving out on my own. And in a totally new country. The city I am going to is in the far south, it's called Granada. I will be attending the university there as a transfer student. I will live with a Spanish family, and I can't wait. The picture down at the bottom is a castle that overlooks Spain. It's called Alhambra. Anyway, I have realized something. This year I will live away from home more months than I will be living at home. It's an awesome and scary thought. I think I will have to tell a lot of people just to watch this blog to follow me around in my travels and in how school is doing. Then, I will get less of the, "What did you do? What was it like?" And all that. Anyway, I hope you all appreciate that I'm going to be sharing this with you.

Update

2007-02-22T17:13:00.000-08:00

Here is an update for you....I will not be moving to Palm Beach, Florida. It was actually a surprise to me. Instead I will be moving to California. In the bay area. I am still excited about that. I know that things will work out well. I also have already been given a raise and i haven't even started working yet. Sweet, huh?

And so it begins...

2007-02-19T12:23:00.000-08:00

I have begun to realize how much my life is going to change in the next few months. Not just my own, I should say, but my whole family is changing and even my friends. First of all, my family has always been close physically and with regards to our relationships. The only member to leave the nest so far, is Lara. She got married, but she still lives in Mesa. Now, she and Matt are moving to Cleveland, Ohio at the end of June. Jake, Katie and I so far have been living at home, but now that is going to change. Jake will be moving out after this semester of school, he will be 25 then and Mom and Dad think that is a good age to move out. Katie will graduate from Nursing School on May 10 and will then prepare this summer to move to Huntington Beach, California at the beginning of August. I, however, will be the first of the family to depart, on May 16 I will be moving to Palm Beach, Florida to work selling security systems. I'm basically just excited for the experience of living on my own, and being paid to do it, too. I will basically miss everything exciting going on with my family as I am gone. I won't get to say goodbye when each of the rest of my siblings leave, the only time I will say it is when I move out in May. I will be back in August for a week before I move to Granada, Spain on August 23 for fall semester. So, I guess it's goodbye to family dinners come May. Each week we all get together for dinner and it will be over. But, I figure that each of us will end up back near eachother again. That's all for now.